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thepokemonbuilders

WHY

We always talk about what we’re going to do. I’m going to be better, I’m going to make a change, I’m going to start learning so much more. One thing that I’ve been forgetting to take into account is WHY I do what I do. Why do I want to learn bartending? Why do I want to be a better writer? Why do I want to do this blog and work on this blog? Who do I want to be and why do I want to be that person?


Listening to “Starts With Me” by TobyMac, I get inspired because my biggest cause is to help people, is to love them, is to help them on their journey to be better. Somewhere along the way recently, I’ve lost that willingness to help, I’ve lost the part of me that wants to look out for the little guy. I’ve gotten so caught up in what I want to do, in where I want to go, and in who I want to be that I forgot that the best thing, the best person, that I can be is the one that gives more of himself to others. I keep saying what I will do to get better that I forgot about why I want to get better. To be a better friend, a better brother, a better person, and to make the world a better place. Not because it helps me but because it helps the world, at least in my view.


I’m going to be honest, I’ve been so focused on what I’m doing - in cultivating what I thought was “cool” that I forgot who I was. I was so focused on what I was doing that I didn’t look at who I was affecting and, more importantly, I didn’t have a good reason why I was doing any of it. And that’s been my problem lately and why I’ve been frustrating myself and those around me because I’ve been wandering around aimlessly and it looks like I have an aim but my words and my actions haven’t been aligning. I’ve been filled with passion but it’s not the same passion that let’s me go to bed at night with a smile on my face. It’s not the same type of passion that makes you into an inferno. It’s a passion that is quelled when the first roadblock comes, when that first setback hits.


One quote that I’ve kept going back to is “remember why you started.” Lately, I’ve been drifting, I’ve been lost. I forgot why I was doing any of this in the first place, the people that I was trying to help. I got so busy that I lost track of why I was so busy to begin with - to make a better future for those around me.


What I do is important, but why I do it and what it gives me is even more important. I’m scared that I’ve spent the last half a year trying to fit in that I forgot why I did anything I did in the first place. Why I went to Sweden, why I had the experiences I did. I haven’t been myself, not because I’ve been someone else, but because I lost focus of why I did any of this in the first place. To help people and to make their worlds a little brighter. And sometimes to get to the bright spot, you have to go through a dark tunnel for a bit.


To go back to how you started, you have to do some of the things you did at the start. This is true for most things - relationships, hobbies, etc. You have to refind why you fell in love with that hobby, with that person in the first place and to do that, you usually have to go back to a younger version of yourself. Sometimes you’ll find that love to have been misplaced, but most of the time, you’ll find a purer form of yourself before you knew a little more of the world. You’ll find the person you were before the world started to squash the love that you felt for that person, for that hobby, for that item. Remember why you started. It’s as simple as that.


Signing off,

-Alex Risdall :)

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