Hello everyone,
Welcome to my Failure Journal. This is where I reflect on what went wrong in the past week. This is my way of showing how I tried something this week and I failed. I want this journal to catalog my failures and how I want to improve from them.
I failed a lot this semester because I tried so many new things. I failed at communicating with friends, I failed at establishing boundaries, I failed at trying some hard things, I failed at pushing myself, I failed at not making excuses, I failed at complaining too much, I failed at not letting my depression control some of my actions. I failed over and over again, but I learned more about myself.
When I failed at communicating with people around me, I started adjusting to how they communicate and let myself be more comfortable. When I was told that, I let my anxiety get the better of me and my panic attacks came back, but then I took a break. I corrected. The biggest thing I've learned at each failure is that you have to get back up.
I failed at each activity I tried. In climbing, I failed over and over again on hard problems. I didn't get all of them and some of them I had to give up on and they got changed. I failed at martial arts and even showing up to that because I got so in my head that they wanted me there. I let my anxiety control some of my actions and I need to work on that.
I failed because I didn't engage with my classes in all of the ways that I should have. My core course, I didn't talk enough even when I had questions and I blamed it on the fact that I was in a new place and when I'm in a new place, I need time to adjust but the truth is that I was scared of confrontation. I was scared of being judged and so I hid myself.
I failed because I started to complain too much and make excuses instead of doing the work. I spent more time feeling sorry for myself and making excuses rather than working hard. "My head hurts," "we're already ahead," "who cares?" I could sit here and blame it on everything and everyone else, but the truth is that I had control over those actions and I didn't take it.
I failed. I failed hundreds, thousands of times. But you get back up and you try again. In climbing, you go back up to that wall and you try the problem again. In parkour, you get back up and you try the move again. In martial arts, you keep working on your form and footwork until it's second nature and if you start to get sloppy, you correct it. Failure isn't about looking at all of your downfalls, it's about looking at how you corrected it or how you're going to correct it.
Failure doesn't define us, so let's keep trying new things and pushing ourselves to new heights. Have a good day.
Alex Risdall :)
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