Do you know what it's like to see your whole life as pre-determined. As something that you can't choose or change. I have always seen snippets of the future since I was a kid. They've gotten more frequent from dreams that I had years ago coming back in memories, coming back and rearing their head. Do you know what it's like to see your death, to see a car crash that happens, to see you withdrawing from school? To always have those thoughts in the back of your head and have to push on regardless because you don't want them to come true and you know that if you remember them then they probably won't, but to still think about them? To still see them every night when you try to go to sleep. I've had dreams like these since I was at least 8 and that was usually 1 or 2 every few months - now it seems like it's every week and sometimes multiple times a week and multiple times a day. Sometimes I feel like I've lived a day before and I can see what I'm going to do next, what the people around me are going to do next. Sometimes I'm wrong - that's usually when I remember something happening before it happens, but most of the time I'm not. I don't know what the dreams mean, I've had dreams before that were a reflection of real life - that were things that I didn't know, but I understood them after they had already passed. I sort of just needed to rant about these because I had a new one today. I saw a different future for me, a different pathway and I don't know if that pathway leads to the car crash, me dropping out of school, and my death or not. I know that I want to live before I die. I know that I want to love. I know that I want to help people and see people get changed through the Holy Spirit. I'm not ready to die, but with the rate I'm going at, it's only a matter of time and I don't know how to help myself, I never did. The one thing I have never seen myself do is cry in one of my prophecies. I don't understand anything anymore and I'm just so tired, tired of having dreams and tired of seeing people I love die.
thepokemonbuilders
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